Saying No to Say Yes by David C. Olsen and Nancy G. Devor

Author:David C. Olsen and Nancy G. Devor
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: undefined
Publisher: undefined
Published: 2012-06-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chronic Anxiety

While triangles, scapegoating, and projection are always happening in any emotional system, they are heightened during times of increased anxiety. If a family is going through a time of prolonged anxiety and stress, symptoms will appear. In the case of a family, these symptoms may emerge as heightened marital conflict where each spouse externalizes his or her anxiety into the marital relationship and each focuses on what is wrong with the other, losing self-focus. Congregations also exhibit increased symptoms when anxiety increases. Bowen’s axiom is: the greater the level of anxiety, the more primitive the functioning of members.

There are two types of anxiety: acute and chronic. Acute anxiety is a response to a particular crisis. Typically an acute crisis (job loss, health crisis, divorce) creates a spike of anxiety that is significant but relatively short-lived. If the individual (or family) is healthy and receives good support, he or she typically will recover over time, returning to his or her baseline of health. Chronic anxiety, however, is different. Chronic anxiety results from a cluster of stressors over such a lengthy period of time that the healthy baseline disappears. Over time, everyday anxiety becomes normal, even though it might be impacting both physical health (blood pressure, gastrointestinal problems, headaches, etc.) and mental health (depression, addiction, etc.). The state of chronic anxiety becomes the baseline.

In times of chronic anxiety, functioning becomes more reactive and primitive. Self-focus and self-awareness decrease, projection and blame increase, and emotional reactivity also increases.

During periods of chronic anxiety in a marriage, one spouse may give up more self in a reactive effort to stabilize the marriage or family and decrease the anxiety, over-functioning in an attempt to shore up the relationship. Consider what happens in an alcoholic family: the non-drinking spouse tries to manage the problem drinker’s life. She or he hides the alcohol, calls the workplace with excuses, and takes on most of the responsibility for the children. Over-functioning is a response driven by chronic anxiety. However, over time, the spouse that gives up more self as an anxious response to the crisis in the family becomes symptomatic with either mental-health or physical-health issues. So even if the alcoholic eventually gets help, the partner often ends up symptomatic and depressed. In much the same way, the spouse of a person with a terminal illness over-functions by necessity, giving up much self to care for the other. After the funeral, however, they are often left depressed, depleted, and exhausted in a way that goes beyond normal grief. And of course, during these times of chronic anxiety, one does not choose a response rationally but rather responds reactively, driven by an attempt to create stability.

In some families, during these times of chronic anxiety, the anxiety is projected onto one of the children. The projection can be that of idealization (the perfect child) or the opposite (the problem child). Either projection shifts a great deal of anxiety onto the child, who can easily become symptomatic, not surprisingly, often presenting with anxiety disorders.

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